Giving angry looks and stares that mean, “your going to be sorry for this”, slamming doors, throwing things, punching or kicking walls and furniture, standing in a way that crowds her, standing over her, tearing up or ruining things

calling her names, telling her she is dumb, making fun of her, making her do degrading things, making her do something embarrassing, telling her she's fat or ugly

preventing or discouraging her from having certain friends, trying to keep her from going to scholar work, making her tell him where she went, whom she saw, what she talked about, making her dependent on him for transportation, checking up on her, acting jealous or possessive

discounting the effects of abuse, stating or indicating that what happened didn't happen, shifting responsibility for an abusive behavior onto something else, insisting that she is the problem, thinking make up sex is the best, excusing his abuse because of chemical abuse or mental health issues

making her feel guilty about the children, telling her she is an unfit mother, threatening to call child protection, using the children to rely messages, using visitation to harass her, claiming a child is not his, threatening to take children, telling the children lies

insisting on making the decisions, having final say on how money is spent, having the right to define family role, expecting woman to accept male authority, treating his partner like a servant, expecting her to take care of house duties, defining her reality and that she should do, say, and think everything he wants

preventing her from getting a job, sabotaging her existing job through harassment, making her quit a job or get a job, making her ask for money, making all financial decisions, demanding her paycheck, making her quit a job or get one, taking her credit cards or not allowing her to have a credit card

Hurt her or punish her if she doesn't do what he wants, not let her back in house if she goes out, kill any man who looks at her, get custody of the kids if she leaves, divorce her and take kids if she calls the cops, call welfare and report her of fraud is she drops order for protection, not pay child support, kill himself if she leaves, promising to change behavior if she drops order of protection, standing in front of door so she can't leave, taking the keys to the car away

taking in a calm voice, listening to what she’s saying, asking and caring about what they are saying, sitting at the same level when having a conversation, looking at her, asking if she is willing to talk, take time to quiet his mind, be kind

Listening without judgment, being emotionally affirming and understanding, valuing her opinions, expressing her gratitude, getting to know her dreams, values, and feeling, honoring her choices, using her name

encouraging and supporting her goals, being trustworthy and honest, following through with responsibilities, doing his fair share in the relationship, recognizing and appreciating her humanity

accepting responsibility for himself, acknowledging his past use of violence, admitting being wrong, communicating openly and truthfully, practicing new behaviors that build trust, being willing to change, owning what he did and the consequences of the abuse

sharing parental responsibilities, being a positive non violent role model for the children, cooperating with his children's mother, paying child support, spending time with the children, learning to be a better father, using visitation restrictions

mutually agreeing on fair distribution of work, making family decisions together, being flexible with changes, valuing her and what she contributes with the relationship, encouraging his partner to make decisions, believing she has good ideas, doing the things she wants, recognizing and appreciating her humanity

making money decisions together, making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements, supporting her work, supporting her choices in how she spends money, recognizing her right to use money as she chooses, believing she can make good financial decisions

accepting change, seeking mutually-satisfying resolutions to conflict, compromising, being able to make room for her needs and wants, listening to what she wants, being comfortable with differences, treating her and others with respect even in times of conflict